Monday, December 21, 2009

Experiment, Phase Two

A few weeks ago I noticed a gradual diminishing of sunshine. It seemed we were getting ever fewer hours of sunlight. Since all things that are bad, according to the media and popular opinion, are due to capitalism and consumerism I naturally made the assumption----the increased buying and greed around the Holidays are upsetting to mother nature. Nature keeps trying to tell us that we are bad and unless we revert to a stone aged existence, we are all doomed.
So, I stopped spending, supported local measures that taxed people richer than me to help those poorer than me, and learned to see Nancy Pelosi in a positive light. No matter what I've tried, though, the darkness continues to overtake the light. I have a graph I've made that shows the obvious decline. Most scientists agree that without sunlight, things here on earth will be bad.
Well, no more. Trying the progressive liberal mindset hasn't made things better, only worse. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to go back to my Conservative roots. I'm going to take personal responsibility for all my actions. If I see someone needing help, I'll help them directly. I'll work hard to increase productivity. I'll go to church. I'll eat red meat.
Mother nature, if your design for us is to responsibly utilize all your resources to make life better for all, to innovate, to employ, to expand, to produce---and to reap the benefits of our labor without it being taken away by the Government---PLEASE send me a sign. Please, right now, reverse this trend and give us just a little more sunshine each and every day. Then I'll know for sure. If the days continue to shorten, I'll know what was really meant for us and will immediately register as a Democrat.


- Rob said...

Good thing you are not in the Southern Hemisphere with this experiment!

flyingvan said...

That is a very necessary data set as well. It'll probably take me until June to find enough Conservatives to perform the test there, too. I know the MMGW crowd ignores the advancing ice sheet in the Antarctic; I want to be more thorough.